from RAGE to REGRET

You: 

rage... then yell,

yell... then curse,

curse... then hate,

hate... then hurt,

hurt... then regret,

Isn't it obvious? That rage will only lead to regret?

Mark my words dearie, your rage will get the best of you that it will be too late to regret then.

Bad.

The mud in a field.
The foul play of a match.
The turbulence on a flight.
The rotten bits on an apple.
The lousy ending to a good movie.


All bad.


In your eyes, i'm all that.

Everything i do, fails to touch you.

Till the day i die, i'll never be good enough for you.


giving up feels like the most probable option here. regardless of how hard i push, it'll go nowhere. you don't see that i try. you don't feel what i care. you don't think that i'm doing enough. i'm at a roadblock. i really don't know what to do anymore.


heart. halts.


heart. cracks.


heart. bleeds.



.

Sincerely...

whatever it is, i'll take the blame.

i really am...


.

It's too bad we can't even be friends anymore...

the quarrels, the fights, the cold wars, the on and offs, the begging, the sacrificing, caused so much heart ache and pain.

i endured and pulled through each and every time because to me the ultimate heart ache, the pain of all pains would be losing him.

i remember talking to a friend of mine about my situation some time back.
and so she asked:

"can you picture yourself being with him in the years to come?"

i hesitated, paused shortly and answered truthfully:

"yes, i can. if i go on making sacrifices and giving in."

let me tell you. giving in and sacrificing has no remedial power over this. neither did it stop our situation from worsening nor did it help in improving it. all this time, love was the only thing we could forcefully hold on to. trying our best to ignore the damage accumulated over time.

this time, the damage got the best of us. both forced to let go. with heavy hearts.

the reasons why we're not together anymore aren't important. neither will i sit and analyse who's to blame. i want to forget. i want to let go. i want to free myself from all the anger, hurt, and disappointment.

hoping that i can handle myself in the best way. hoping that this break up will not be too hard on the both of us. and hoping that this decision though made rather rashly and in hasted will be the best for us.

losing him means that i'll most probably lose:

1. one facebook friend
   
2. one loyal blog reader
3. one football dictionary
   
4. one listener
   
5. one sanctuary
6. one babysitter
7. one meal buddy
8. one movie partner
9. one sms pal when i get bored at work
10. one fashion advisor

and the list goes on. he was all that to me and so much more.

i now have to learn how to stand on my own again.

i can. and i will.


sorry that you guys had to read this rambling, wordy, lame post revolving around me. just felt the need to let this out and motivate myself to move on.



x



.

Sedey

sgt sgt sgt sedey :'(

my lappie is in a coma. she wont wake up.

she has never been far away from me before for the entire 3 years that i've had her...

I miss her already...

Off Mood

come back! i need you! without you... i can't do anything. due dates are like so freaking near. and i hate it when you're gone...

dear mood... please, come back... come back to me. don't drift further and further away from me.