in class.... once more.

my brain operates at such a speed where even snails find offensive.

i sounded so dumb with the lecturer and the 32 other students looking at me. wondering what in the world i was trying to say.

couldn't compose short, witty answers even though the questions were about me. super fail at being spontaneous. i had time. wasn't even the first one to be called.

it's like i don't know myself.

questions shot at us:

• what's your name
• where you're from
• what you're doing
• how much do you know about research
• what do you hope to obtain at the end of this course

i struggled at answering all those questions. only managed to blurt out my name without getting it wrong. i got so tongue tied. stammered. syntax, grammar all fail. stringed a few random words together and mumbled them out.

listening to the others talk about themselves... pouring out glamourous infomation... sharing their ambition... they sounded so confident and mature. they know. they know what they want. what they're doing. while i shrunk in my seat... feeling small and puny.

honestly, what i had in mind at that time were all rubbish and nonsensical answers. typical for childish-forever-stuck-in-that-stage me.

i have zero idea on what i'm doing or where i want to go. i have no solid plans for the future and i dont even know why i'm doing this. probably just escaping from making further decisions in life.

besides, it's not only that i don't know myself well. it's now more obvious then ever that I fail to speak well in front of large groups. super awkward and stutter like no body's business. gahHH. i sound like such a geek.


***


on a different note, am really glad to be in class again. sitting down listening, absorbing, learning, hearing bout things i never knew existed, taking notes. can't be happier. absolutely calms me down and i even managed to relax a bit; with it being such a nice contrast to the never ending hecticness and fast pace at the workplace which drains all the life out of me.

as a good friend of mine once said: it's just the beginning.

which it really is. assignment all not piling up yet.

let's hope i'll be able to survive this.

*fingers crossed*



x


.

It's been a lil too quiet in here!

in my defense, i do log in to my blogger to see what is going on with my peeps and my cursor does hover over the NEW POST button but i never end up clicking on it.

this girl has been organizing the mess in her head which is even more tangled up compared to Rapunzel's hair.

well, finally completing your studies is something to go bonkers about, something to celebrate, and probably something that makes you proud because you have actually achieved something. on the contrary, it has done nothing but upset me in all ways possible. for the past few weeks, i've been catching up with my own thoughts, feelings, wanting to spill but not being able to. to be honest, i got lost, was extremely down and depressed, trying to figure out lots of stuff which apparently i'm not going to disclose here. (i still keep some things private)

to give a brief description, it's kinda like i don't know how to go on from here. and i super envy those people who have their entire lives planned out in front of them, where they already know exactly what is it that they want. i haven't got a clue and am still figuring it out.

the past few weeks has also been filled with lots of pain :'(
out of nowhere, the corners of my lips cracked and bled.
and consequently a gigantic ulcer conveniently chose the tip of my tongue to grow on.
it's ouch and double ouch.

(sorry, no pictures. the sight is too revolting. wouldn't want anyone to flag my blog xP)


december is supposed to be a happy month for everyone. why the hell am i so caught up in negativity? so come make me happy.



forcing a painful smile :)


x

pheww...

i'm done with my practicum !! :D doesn't this call for a celebration? i've even been given free tickets to go catch a movie next week!

this is the last picture i took in school with the principal and the vice.

the end of this contributes so much to my well-being and happiness. and of course, it's not the workload in school that i'm tired of nor is it the students that i cant cope with. it was actually the I-s. i just wish to get everything settled and have nothing more to do with those annoying, excuse giving, advantage taking, lazy, complaining I-s. i practically have to beg to even get them to cooperate each and every time. i wished i could be given the privilege to do things on my own but no, the supervisor and school admin had just got to make things harder for me by forcing me to collaborate with them in everything.

well, enough complains. i'm happy now, though there were several things that made me kinda upset previously.

loitered around pj after school on the second last day of my practicum and ended up in one of the most beautiful temples i've seen so far.

the majestic life size kwan yin statue

the main shrine hall.


doing silly stuff in there.

and i love this xP



their bodhi tree.

all this somehow makes me miss the temple i always go to in mlk and all the people there. but it's just not worth going back. stained. stabbed. fake. i wonder how they see me right now. thanks to all the help i got from a bro whom i thought had my back all along. thanks, but no thanks. you just had to step on me to bring yourself up and to put the spot light on you, didn't you?

i'm letting all that go now.

26.10.2010 marks the end of all these horrible experiences.

moving on, praying that i won't be so sueh and meet with this kinda people anymore.

wishing me all the best.



heart.


.

It's coming...

and i'm having mixed emotions over this every year...

not the least excited.

not expecting anything.

and freaking exams are draining my everything away.

just looking forward to my sem break.

i'm tired.





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