as usual. i have no rights over my emotions.

i'm not allowed to be angry. not allowed to be disappointed. not allowed to feel unsatisfied. not allowed to be frustrated. not allowed to feel unappreciated. not allowed to feel hurt.

cos as soon as i show the slightest signs of any negative emotions, i'm done for. a serious turn of events will hit me, causing the pain to grow ten folds.

feeling tired, i just want a wee bit of consoling and comfort. not accusations. not sneering and mocking. not hurtful comments. not a full grown argument. and mostly, not isolation.

chasing and chasing. what exactly am i chasing for? rejection?

as usual. everything is unreal.

smiles can never last more than a fortnight. they are all merely illusions to trick me into thinking that everything is fine. it's not. and i guess that it never will be.


.

white flag.

you've learnt how to live...

... how to love

you've learnt how to accept...

... how to give

you've learnt how to tolerate...

... how to lose

but is spite of all, it's pointless, regardless of all that you've learnt.




.

i make you moody

i bore the hell out of you

i hurt you

i don't reflect on my actions and continually cause you misery

...

yes

i'm that terrible

don't have to make me feel even more

...

being indicted of something irrevocable is just great.

...

my past, my flaws

i'll never be able to get past that

...

and you don't know how this makes me feel

.

有时, 一个人也挺好的.

不需要假装,

不需要隐瞒,

不需要忍让...

一个人时, 我才能当我真正的自己.



.

The feeling of disappointment.

i just wonder...

why is it that everything u don't want me to do, i avoid.

the only request from me - for you not to be emo over stupid things, you can't the least try.

and you're the one complaining, i don't care about your feelings?

.
.
.

what about mine?

.

you wound me each time you pull that face and shut yourself off in silence.

my heart cringes when i see the look of melancholy in your eyes.

the obsolete tone in your voice makes me feel like crying each time.

even your text messages slice right through me.

.

what have i done?

.
.
.

you don't know how you effect me.

you don't have the slightest idea.

and you just don't care.