super inconsistent twenty ten.

this year so far has brought me feelings so vast that i find it hard to believe that i am actually this unstable. lol. perhaps, this diagram can give you a lil idea on the emotional toll i took throughout 2010.

scary?
and it's not because of pms!

my summary:

Jan

had a great new year's dinner with family. excited bout theater. worked my ass off for it. conflict. got pissed at some people.

Feb

rehearsal. rehearsal. rehearsal. had fun preparing food for the theater. theatre was a success. early valentine’s celebration. cny ♥

March

dikir puteri. one malaysia day. microteaching project. birthday. sem break.

April

pressies. lies. fights. covering up.

May

more fights. coming clean. making up. got hurt. hurt someone. didnt bother to even try to work things out. living in pretense. gossiping and back stabbing.

June

final semester. straying further and further away from her. ignored that. hung out without her instead. felt guilty but ignored it. a lot of travelling between subang and s.a.

July

competency test results. sem break. drove a manual car for the 1st time in mlk. practicum briefing. freaked out. where the hell is kuchai lama. moved from s.a. to subang. hired a driver on a contract basis, a very dedicated one that is ;)

August

lots of stress and pressure. tired and worn out. prepared teaching materials. endless lesson plans. waking up at 5.30am every day. dropping dead in bed by 10.00pm. no life. miss my friends badly. realised that i havent been a good friend. realised how much she cared about me. i'm just plain selfish.

September

tried to make it up to her. sick of i-ppl. readers' theater project. freaking sick of i-ppl.

October

raya hols. cameron. got to know my students better. started to actually enjoy my practicum. god damn freaking sick of i-ppl. observations one after another. end of practicum.

November

a lot of time to myself. change of occupations from student to cheap maid. lots of barney stinson. results day. no direction. finding it hard to make decisions. failed to plan.

December

a lot of travelling between mlk and subang. job interviews. conflicts of interests. afraid. unsure. convocation ceremony. started a temp job. still am unsure.

there you go. that's about it. that's how my 2010 flew by so quickly.

as inconsistent as twenty ten may be, i feel truly blessed with all the great people in my life. am eternally grateful for all the love, care, support, and attention from my friends, my family, and my boyfie. i know that i'll never be alone. and with this, i'm not afraid of twenty eleven and am looking forward to it because i have all of you :)

let's make a new year's wish.

i wish for
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stability.

yeah. i think that's the main thing i'm hoping for.

wishing everyone out there a great year ahead and may all of you achieve what you aim for.

happy new new all :D





x


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Jingle Jingly eve.

wow. even while watching the "3 Idiots" for the umpteenth time, i still cried and laughed like a mad woman.

heart that movie! it's so one of my favorites. cinema it twice. downloaded it. and ed bought the vcd because the downloaded ones had rubbish subtitles.

the message conveyed, how the events are intertwined, the linkativity (influence from barney xP), and even the infamous bollywood soundtracks with all the dancing and slow motion bay watch scenes that annoy me so much were great and awesome! i actually liked the songs very much, especially "give me some sunshine" and "zooby dooby" ahahaks.






while watching the movie over a lovely dinner of garlic and herb roast chicken, baked shiitake mushrooms and egg mayo sandwiches *drools*, the scene where they had their graduation was playing. the friendship shared between the 3 of them were just so amazing and it simply made me think of my own friends in college, the times we had, the thick and thin we underwent and how much i miss them.

♥

the only picture i have with the 2 of them currently. all my graduation pictures are back in mlk *facepalm* they took the bus back with daddy. only managed this with pian's hp which he smuggled into the hall. too bad girl's formal attire come with no pockets :/

that was basically how i spent my x-mas eve. a great movie, with great food, and great people. but didnt manage to meet up with the rest of the guys after dinner because i was too tired and practically fell asleep at 9 pm. i'm such a baby.




except for the part where i had to work earlier, it's exactly as he said it. it wasn't such a bad christmas eve after all :D



x

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Blogging from work :D

finally had the guts to ask nurul for her pc's password, and here i am, busy clicking and browsing away instead of doing what i have to do ;)

just gonna post some greetings and wishes here and try to find some time before the 31st to post something good about 2010. hee. closure you know?

started this bloggie about a year ago and hey, this year passed by so quickly that i even missed out on its birthday! and i browsed through my truckload of history full of gramdmother posts trying to find 2009's end year post. lol. and of course i couldn't find it, because, i didn't post anything like that at all. i should have summed up everything and stated my new year's resolutions or something like that, and maybe, maybe, i'd be i little less lost this year.

through all my uncertainty and struggles and emoness and conflicts and aimlessness, i had actually made it through an entire year. phew... more on that journey later :D am determined to come up with some vision or mission or goals to help me with next year.

that's all for now,

love you more than i can say ♥

Merry Christmas peeps! My heartfelt wishes to all of ya!

:)



xxx

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Aww, you didn't have to ♥

i know, i understand,
that your work schedule is extremely tight
and you hardly ever have any time for yourself.

you've been working really hard
and i don't blame you if you do not have any time for me.
i totally understand.

you didn't have to come all the way just to surprise me you know.
i'd still love you.

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he probably didn't notice the stalker taking pics of him from above.

him. exiting the building.

too many flashes in his face from where i was standing.

that's why he turned away.

he was actually looking at me :D


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.
.

LOL. Actually, i didn't even know he was going to be there. It so happened that we went to tropicana to catch a movie after the super yummy duck rice at manjalara and saw the huge crowd gathered before the stage. It was weird for so many people to be there. Tropicana was usually peaceful and crowd-less, that was why we liked it so much. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on due to the gigantic posters and banners all around.


We were like:" ohhhhh...... Lin Jun Jie is coming.... patutla so many people here."

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.
.

I really wonder.

Why did JJ choose the exact same day I was going to tropicana to have his autograph session there?

There's only one simple explanation.

He went there because he wanted to see me xP

hee.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to reality.
Want an English lesson? I learnt something from the movie we watched before spying on Lin Jun Jie. Ed chose to watch "Just Call Me Nobody" because of Mark Lee and Eric Tsang. It turned out that they were only cameos. It was a little funny, but mostly dumb and boring. I'll highlight the funny part for ya k. (even though it's a lil lame)

This is how a family in ancient China teaches their children to speak English:

1. BEES; - "鼻屎" (bi shi)

2. EARTH; - "耳屎" (er shi)

3. GOES; - "狗屎" (gou shi)

4. MOUTH; - "猫屎" (mao shi)

5. KNEES; - "你死" (ni si)

6. WAS; - "我死" (wo si)

7. DOES; - "都死" (dou si)

8. ONE DOLLAR; - "完蛋了" (wan dan le)


Dumb right? LOL. for my readers who can't read chinese, pls pls pls ask someone who does to explain it to you.


till then.



x

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why is the beach so far away?

been wanting to go for so long, and finally we actually got our asses there. the guys planned everything and me and Ray were like the vip-s who got exclusive invites and were personally chauffeured there xD

and this is the hotel where the lucky-basket-show-off chung yii was staying at:


he stayed here for free! and i guess this was why he got thrown into the sea by the guys. hee. jealous jealous.

pretty pic kan? thanksss bybyyy ♥

i hope you love taking pics of me as much as i love my pic being taken :P

by the time we got there it was starting to get dark and all of us chipped in to help get the fire started. it was really windy out on the beach and it wiped out any trace of fire we had going. and so all of us gathered in a circle around the pit to keep the wind out. all of a sudden, someone made a speech which went like this :

lets have a moment of silence please.

surprisingly, everyone cooperated and bowed their heads down in silence. the silence lasted for quite a few minutes and it really looked as if we were praying for the victims of some catastrophe somewhere. lol.

i guess that the silence really helped. because after several failed attempts, the coals started burning and we could finally start to cook! and boy, were our stomachs happy. it was my 1st time bbq-ing by the sea and also my very 1st time eating sand. LOL. didnt get any pics though cos we were so busy playing with the chickens, balls and dogs.

before we left, we raised our glasses and drank a toast.

here's to friendship.

and memories with you people :)



x


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It's been a lil too quiet in here!

in my defense, i do log in to my blogger to see what is going on with my peeps and my cursor does hover over the NEW POST button but i never end up clicking on it.

this girl has been organizing the mess in her head which is even more tangled up compared to Rapunzel's hair.

well, finally completing your studies is something to go bonkers about, something to celebrate, and probably something that makes you proud because you have actually achieved something. on the contrary, it has done nothing but upset me in all ways possible. for the past few weeks, i've been catching up with my own thoughts, feelings, wanting to spill but not being able to. to be honest, i got lost, was extremely down and depressed, trying to figure out lots of stuff which apparently i'm not going to disclose here. (i still keep some things private)

to give a brief description, it's kinda like i don't know how to go on from here. and i super envy those people who have their entire lives planned out in front of them, where they already know exactly what is it that they want. i haven't got a clue and am still figuring it out.

the past few weeks has also been filled with lots of pain :'(
out of nowhere, the corners of my lips cracked and bled.
and consequently a gigantic ulcer conveniently chose the tip of my tongue to grow on.
it's ouch and double ouch.

(sorry, no pictures. the sight is too revolting. wouldn't want anyone to flag my blog xP)


december is supposed to be a happy month for everyone. why the hell am i so caught up in negativity? so come make me happy.



forcing a painful smile :)


x

Mini Update.

and so, i headed off to college to collect my results yesterday.

as the guy at the counter keyed in my ID number and my result slip exited the printer, i felt numb and dizzy all of a sudden. it took me a few seconds to regain my senses and grab the slip and actually look at it, but oh yeah ! i got it, i got it !

i've officially ended my degree course and am debt free :D

and we went out today for a little celebration :)


(err.... haha, actually i'm not the one being celebrated, just wanted to be the center of attention xP )

@ Tao

good ambiance.
good food.
good service.

and i personally prefer it compared to Tenji ! if japanese buffets are your thing, then it's actually worth trying. more pictures here :)

the vain pot :P

and hey, after being gone for more than half a year, zue's back on facebook! totally missed her presence. one more person for me to annoy and poke !


for now, life's good.

finally got around to writing a resume, settled the bank stuff and am on the way to the completion of the stupid clearance form.

let's hope that monday wont be another waste of our precious time.


congrats peeps ! we graduated !



♥

由始至终, 只有你一位

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难以代替

12/11/2010 - Friday

1.06 pm

this is where anger, a bad temper, irrationality, lack of self control, and bad decision making takes you. though that decision was never mine all along.



i'm sorry.



thanks for putting up for so long.


.

beautiful, aint it?

this is just so dreamy and romantic, i thought to myself as i gazed starry-eyed out at the almost perfect scene before me. but i didn't go there with the boyfie. i had 2 bodyguards accompany me there instead, thus diminishing the romance factor to almost zero. we laughed and fooled around, chatted and enjoyed our midnight stroll by the river.

we also played with our camera phones and were actually satisfied with what those lousy little things could do. not bad huh? these 2 pics were taken using my seemingly outdated sony ericsson c510. no edits btw :)



i'm not up to anything for now.
just lazing around in mlk.


x

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the happiness touches only the surface and can't seem to last. all of it might just be fake.

to me, it felt real, i wanted it to be real. but when only one wants to tango, it definitely won't work out and the hopes and dreams to carry on with that dance routine will just be a waste of time and effort and gradually end up in disappointment.

i wanted this. more than anything else. but it seems that letting go might just lessen the pain and damage.

i can't cope anymore.



weak.



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generosity

remember something i said about free tickets?

well, here they are:

ray got them on they way to pick me up from school 2 weeks ago on the 2nd last day of my intern. he was stuck in the jam, got bored, sms-ed and actually won them :D

the surprise was they gave us 4 passes instead of 2 (how generous of hitz.fm) and the movie was going to start in in less than 20 minutes. the guys were having their exams tmr and wanted to study, plus i doubt that they could make it on time. so we just walked around and gave it to a random couple who were queuing up at the ticketing counter (how generous of us), and of course, they grabbed it immediately. free movie passes, who don't want woh? plus its a premiere screening, the movie not out yet woh, 3D summore woh. haha.

come to think of it, four free 3D passes, worth about rm 72. spread the generosity. and the movie was great. fresh storyline, humour, you name it. totally enjoyed it.



thank you-s to all who made it possible!

ps:/ do watch Megamind, it's out on the 4th Nov :)


x

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when someone tells you i love you, the most natural reply would of course be i love you too.
(that is if you really love the person back else you'd just ask him to get lost, right?)

this morning, he kissed me on the cheek and uttered those 3 words to me before he left for class.

R: i love you.

A: ok, i'm here for you to love.

aiyo, my reply sounds so mean!

was just fooling around.
you know i love you.

x

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Fake Tourists.

so where did these two tourists go?

did they go sailing?



did they travel by train?



jungle trekking maybe?



don't tell me they stopped by the zoo?



hunted for a fountain and made a wish?



or did they stop by yang zhou for fried rice?

.
.
.


wherever they went, they didn't spend a single cent :D

cheers

.

of balls and bats.

i totally suck at this. lol.



what you're looking at now is a batting cage.

tried baseball for the 1st time and it seems like the balls are hitting me more than i am hitting them. lol. it was pretty scary listening to Gege and John's feedback as they kept saying it would be kind of painful and as the balls were shot towards you, it seems as if they were going to hit you. well i went in anyway. kept missing and i guess i hit only 6 out of 15? not proper hits anyway. i just managed to touch the ball with the bat. but the feeling of actually sending the ball flying is pretty awesome!

try it some time. everything must try, kan?


x

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split !

i remember when we were the best of friends in college.
we slacked together, worked together, and as always, we had fun together.

the five of us.

you guys made my days in college less insufferable and i miss all of you!

separated for practicum. oh such a waste. we could have done great things together and practicum would have been less painful.

.
.
.


managed to get with these 3 fellas on separate occasions.

thanks for the ice cream :D

poke - grins stupidly - smiles :)

matching, aren't we ? ♥

hopefully this wont be the last i see of you guys

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Z U E ! where are you???

don't you know i miss you so?

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sugary sweet

can you read the print?

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that's so sweet right? never knew that they even had cards like this.




i'm safe-keeping this card for now.
in case i ever wind up being a damsel in distress
who needs a knight in shining armor to save her.
i'll delightfully send this card to my hero ;)


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pheww...

i'm done with my practicum !! :D doesn't this call for a celebration? i've even been given free tickets to go catch a movie next week!

this is the last picture i took in school with the principal and the vice.

the end of this contributes so much to my well-being and happiness. and of course, it's not the workload in school that i'm tired of nor is it the students that i cant cope with. it was actually the I-s. i just wish to get everything settled and have nothing more to do with those annoying, excuse giving, advantage taking, lazy, complaining I-s. i practically have to beg to even get them to cooperate each and every time. i wished i could be given the privilege to do things on my own but no, the supervisor and school admin had just got to make things harder for me by forcing me to collaborate with them in everything.

well, enough complains. i'm happy now, though there were several things that made me kinda upset previously.

loitered around pj after school on the second last day of my practicum and ended up in one of the most beautiful temples i've seen so far.

the majestic life size kwan yin statue

the main shrine hall.


doing silly stuff in there.

and i love this xP



their bodhi tree.

all this somehow makes me miss the temple i always go to in mlk and all the people there. but it's just not worth going back. stained. stabbed. fake. i wonder how they see me right now. thanks to all the help i got from a bro whom i thought had my back all along. thanks, but no thanks. you just had to step on me to bring yourself up and to put the spot light on you, didn't you?

i'm letting all that go now.

26.10.2010 marks the end of all these horrible experiences.

moving on, praying that i won't be so sueh and meet with this kinda people anymore.

wishing me all the best.



heart.


.

i feel like my blog is especially for grandpas and grandmas to read because of the seemingly large and clear font which half-blind people can probably scan from about a mile away.

probably because the blogger herself is pretty much an old woman whose eyesight is failing on her every now and then.

lol.

*in a good mood*

cheers grannies :D

age isn't a factor to keep you from browsing the internet and reading my blog! xP


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LOL

What's that suppose to mean??

october babies

to all you lovelies, happy birthday!

don't have to feel that you're perasan k.
if you were born in this month,
and if you're reading my blog,
and even if you're not,
and even if i don't know you at all,
this wish goes out to you just the same.

best wishes.

cheers :)

.

at the top of my wish list...

is an A for my practicum/learning internship.
crossing my fingers and really hoping for it to come true.

i've done my part,
did all the things i hated doing,
underwent all the stress and pressure,
worked my ass off for nothing,
spent so much unnecessary money...
but is it enough?

it all lies in my lecturer's hands.

oh madam, please be kind and generous will ya?




*wishing really hard*


.

just wait till i'm the one addicted to gaming and you cant tear me away from my comp.

i guess that's just what happens to everybody.

i dont need anyone to tell me this.
i already know.
i'm a lousy person.
lousy enough.
lousy enough to hurt everyone that cares about me.

i'm sorry.

Penukaran Pembiayaan Pendidikan PTPTN

www.ptptn.gov.my

they have decided to reduce the interest rate from 3% to only 1%.
so peeps, log in and update your account details.

hope that you guys are happy to hear bout this~

no matter which path i take, it only ends up in more disappointments and heartache.

I’m looking at every possible way I can. Trying to find a way out. Looking for a safe house. Some where I’ll never get hurt again. Scanning and looking for every available possibility, I soon came to a halt and realized that there’s no where I can turn to.

In a situation like this, friends and family are not an option.

I just don’t feel like opening up anymore. And I find it pointless. What’s the point of opening up? Who will really want to be listening? Everyone has their own lives to live and worry about.

I’m just redundant.

Ouch.

head hurts.
back hurts.
stomach hurts.
basically almost everything hurts.
i'm not exaggerating though.
even now the heart hurts a lil.

i hate being a girl.

.

wow. i scrolled down my blog and noticed that i have not blogged about emo stuff in a long time.
well.... it doesn't mean that i'm not emo anymore...
who has a 100% happy life anyway?
there are bound to be unwanted things that you didn't see coming which hit you right in your face,
leaving you dumbfounded, scarred, and disappointed.


not blogging about emo stuffs anymore simply means that i subconsciously choose not to remember them anymore and let them be bygones.
it's not like i intentionally installed a filter to keep out all the bad and only allow the good to be published, misleading others into thinking that i otherwise lead a really happy and peaceful life.
somehow or rather, i just managed to let it all go.
and sooner or later, it doesn't bother me anymore.


as quoted by my friend, this might seem like me taking another step closer to adulthood.
this is good, isn't it?
being able to take control of my own emotions and sound less like a mad hag.
hmm, i am, i indeed am growing up :)


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Break.

was so glad that i got to take a break from school. ran far far away from the school @ kuchai lama and never felt so relaxed :D

so here's what i did.

1. drove to lcct to fetch my baby sis. she's on holiday too! mid sem break in ums.

waiting for herrr.


2. spent 3 days and 2 nights in cameron. (also don's farewell)

plucked. purposely. T.T

the girls :D

the guys :O


3. baby sis treated me to pancakes which she had been craving for for more than a year.

@ paddington.


4. chopped my hair off !

and i like it !


5. had a picnic and flew kites.

seaside :)

the tam chiaks whacking the food.

kites in the sky. too bad no nice pics of us actually flying them.


6. went book shopping!

thanks daddy! and Nice, you can borrow them after your exam ;)


7. celebrated raya with helmi and co.

if you're wondering, this was taken 2 years back.
didnt bring my camera with me when i went to his house.

8. last but not least, i got bitten by a centipede in my own bathroom @.@

resulting in this. my arm still aches from the jab :/

well, some of the pictures are just for illustration purposes :P

and sad thing is the break is almost over. lol.

counting down the days to the end of my pathetic internship.

.
.
.

i realise that...

they love me. they care. i couldn't ask for more :)

ps://

i'm really sorry because i can so frequently be a pain in the ass. but you guys never complain, and willingly tolerate and accept me all the same. i'm constantly being pampered and given in to and i feel that i'm always on the receiving side. nonetheless, i really appreciate what everyone has done for me, and treasure all the bonds built over time.

friends, family, boyfriend. i love all of you.

please, ignore the sequence!


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