Two Hearts...

two hearts resting side by side
scrupulously near, yet painstakingly far
crushed by doubt
crushed by grudge
forever hold a joy unreal
yield all pains
yield all sorrows
forever knows no trust

two hearts resting side by side
one shielded, one shattered
bears no consideration
bears no forgiveness
bound to condemn and hate
full of remorse
full of despair
bound to fall apart

two hearts resting side by side
trapped in delusion
trapped in vain
search but find no way out

two hearts resting side by side
deprived of hope
deprived of faith
lost with no direction

Bad.

The mud in a field.
The foul play of a match.
The turbulence on a flight.
The rotten bits on an apple.
The lousy ending to a good movie.


All bad.


In your eyes, i'm all that.

Everything i do, fails to touch you.

Till the day i die, i'll never be good enough for you.


giving up feels like the most probable option here. regardless of how hard i push, it'll go nowhere. you don't see that i try. you don't feel what i care. you don't think that i'm doing enough. i'm at a roadblock. i really don't know what to do anymore.


heart. halts.


heart. cracks.


heart. bleeds.



.

remember what i said about not liking the school very much?

lol. just see for yourself :

the staff room started to get flooded when the rain poured.

this is where the leak came from :

weird, because there are actually classrooms right above the staff room.

wonder where all the water came from.



to dangerous for my liking. the water is actually dripping from the electrical wires. gosh.



and, remember what i said about dressing weird?

lol.

buddy(s) for 14 weeks ><

look at the dark circles under my eyes :'(


and i do most certainly hate how much i've aged in just four days..



god. i look old.

and i feel old too.



.

No More.

received 2 unexpected random phone calls consecutively from 2 people i didnt even know exists in my phonebook. both asking me for favours. do i look like miss charitable or something? felt weird. hung up. and seconds later, the message alert beeped.

dang.

your pc is ready for collection
mainboard problem
CAN'T REPAIR.

whizbiz
ricky

god. tears formed at the brims of my eyes. threatening to spill even at the slightest blink.

my lappie. my pink dell.
gone.
i feel so incomplete mann...


.

giving in.

been doing it all my life.
somehow. it brings me nothing,
but empty promises and disappointments.

Lost.

no feelings.
no plans.
no anger.
no clue.

just dont know what to do anymore.
i'm sorry. but that just doesn't cut it.
sorry works no magic.
it's not a spell which can be cast upon the person you hurt to take away the pain you caused.
no. it just cant be un-done. no matter what.

forgiven.
but yet, i remain lost.

Minding My Own Business

it's for the best.

i'd better learn how to keep my mouth shut and not say anything that will get myself into trouble. people just love finding and picking on your faults and using it against you.

i'm gonna do less, less and less. only the minimal i need to. and if people think i'm selfish and lazy, please do try to understand. i'm only avoiding another issue from springing up.

what ever we did was just a waste of time, money, and effort. i'm so sorry guys. it was all for nothing. esp to naiza, kat, ali, az, yeni, zu n zi.

the supposedly banner to be.

poster 1: bad guy.

poster 2: good guy.

no one's gonna see these. all because the person who claims that she doesn't want to be involved changed her mind and over ruled every single decision made before this. it really makes me wonder why... why she need to be so biased. and what's actually so wrong with the banner and posters that it needs to be re-done.

10th Feb please come sooner!
cant wait for this to be over.


damn exhausted dy...

Mixed Emotions.

Things have been going so well for me for the past few weeks. I’m always happy. Smiling almost all the time, cheerful and bugging others, being hyper n all. No worries. No tears. No frustrations.

Despite that, I can’t help feeling bad when the people around me are down. They are great people and they deserve to be happy too. Why is it that I’m the only one who’s overwhelmed in all this goodness while they’re out there suffering? I know I’m no one to be deciding who should be and shouldn’t be suffering. They say that it is all already written out somewhere, pre-destined. But I still wish and hope that everything will be ok for everyone else. Yea, I know. It won’t make any difference. It’s just a silly wish from me.

I cry when I see my girl friends cry. I can relate to the pain my friends feel when they get hurt. I feel sorry for those who are in really crappy situations when it’s not their fault at all. I feel touched when I see others trying so hard to get out of their struggle. I just can’t help feeling guilty because I’m happy while others are upset. No one chooses to be unhappy. No one chooses to be stuck in shit. No one wants a life full of downs downs and more downs.

Do all things come to an end eventually? Am I heading in that direction? I don’t know why. I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I hope I’m wrong though.

Hang in there people. Be strong. I heart all of u.