as usual. i have no rights over my emotions.

i'm not allowed to be angry. not allowed to be disappointed. not allowed to feel unsatisfied. not allowed to be frustrated. not allowed to feel unappreciated. not allowed to feel hurt.

cos as soon as i show the slightest signs of any negative emotions, i'm done for. a serious turn of events will hit me, causing the pain to grow ten folds.

feeling tired, i just want a wee bit of consoling and comfort. not accusations. not sneering and mocking. not hurtful comments. not a full grown argument. and mostly, not isolation.

chasing and chasing. what exactly am i chasing for? rejection?

as usual. everything is unreal.

smiles can never last more than a fortnight. they are all merely illusions to trick me into thinking that everything is fine. it's not. and i guess that it never will be.


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