in class.... once more.

my brain operates at such a speed where even snails find offensive.

i sounded so dumb with the lecturer and the 32 other students looking at me. wondering what in the world i was trying to say.

couldn't compose short, witty answers even though the questions were about me. super fail at being spontaneous. i had time. wasn't even the first one to be called.

it's like i don't know myself.

questions shot at us:

• what's your name
• where you're from
• what you're doing
• how much do you know about research
• what do you hope to obtain at the end of this course

i struggled at answering all those questions. only managed to blurt out my name without getting it wrong. i got so tongue tied. stammered. syntax, grammar all fail. stringed a few random words together and mumbled them out.

listening to the others talk about themselves... pouring out glamourous infomation... sharing their ambition... they sounded so confident and mature. they know. they know what they want. what they're doing. while i shrunk in my seat... feeling small and puny.

honestly, what i had in mind at that time were all rubbish and nonsensical answers. typical for childish-forever-stuck-in-that-stage me.

i have zero idea on what i'm doing or where i want to go. i have no solid plans for the future and i dont even know why i'm doing this. probably just escaping from making further decisions in life.

besides, it's not only that i don't know myself well. it's now more obvious then ever that I fail to speak well in front of large groups. super awkward and stutter like no body's business. gahHH. i sound like such a geek.


***


on a different note, am really glad to be in class again. sitting down listening, absorbing, learning, hearing bout things i never knew existed, taking notes. can't be happier. absolutely calms me down and i even managed to relax a bit; with it being such a nice contrast to the never ending hecticness and fast pace at the workplace which drains all the life out of me.

as a good friend of mine once said: it's just the beginning.

which it really is. assignment all not piling up yet.

let's hope i'll be able to survive this.

*fingers crossed*



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