letting it get to me

i failed so badly.
that wasn't supposed to happen at all.
i didn't do anything to stop it and let it happen anyway.

i often say i'm a bad person and i'm not jus saying that for fun. i am indeed. i do nothing but disappoint the people who love me.

similiarities in differences

yup. my closest friends in uni are from different race and religion.
so? it doesn't hold us back. not a single tiny bit.
well, i'm the one and only chinese girl in my class. the most minor of minorities.
despite that, i blend in and mix well all the same!
they make my uni life less terrible,
more endurable, and fill my live with lots of love!
i love you gurls!

ekzos-ted.

justbeensofreakingtiredrecently.insideandout.physicallyandemotionally.drainedanddriedout.
sleepingisntenoughtocompensateforthisfatigue.wonderingwhatcanbedonetohelpmegettruthis.
ineeduofallpeopletounderstandme.bethereformewhenineedu.justholdmetightanddontletgo.

Living in the Past

you are constantly being reminded of things u don't want to be reminded about.
you said you can let go, but actually you still feel its shadow overwhelming you.
you get carried away by memories and you cant differentiate reality from make-believe.

you let yourself be delusional.
you suffer when you let miserable thoughts take you over.
you could be happy, but instead you chose to be hung over on negativity.

you betray your self constantly.
you prefer deception over the inevitable truth.
you want to hold on, and you're the one not letting go.

you think about the present and the future.
but in fact, you're going no where.
still stuck. living forever. in the past.

S.I.L.E.N.C.E.

BOOM. a huge cloud of silence dawned over the both of us, each unable to smile, both tongue-tied, reserved and holding back to ourselves. the air was so dense, the situation was one never experienced before, everything felt so wrong.

as mad as i was, i looked at him with pleading eyes, squeezing out as much effort as i could to at least try to ease things up a little.

naught. zilch. goose egg. still no response.

i pulled back and sat there vulnerably staring off into space. staring at other happy couples cuddling and enjoying themselves. i immensely felt so empty. i knew what i wanted, but it just seemed so impossible. the coldness only grew.

who said silence was golden? it isn't to me. i hated the silence. i couldn't do anything about it. all i wanted was to make it go away, but instead it stretched longer and further. the entire night, and even the whole of the next day.

i wanted to show that i couldn't care less about it. i wanted to act as though it didn't mean a thing to me. i wanted him to be the one to give in and thrown his arms around me, pulling me close and whispering sorry in my ear.

gazing at his forlorn face, my heart quivered and i softened up. it instantly become apparent to me that i loved him beyond any ego of mine. i walked over to where he was and kissed him on the forehead gently. that tiny little gesture magically broke the dreaded silence. we held each other tightly, both glad that it was finally over.

by Ravindranath Tagore

go not to the temple to put flowers upon the feet of God
first fill your own house with the fragrance of love...

go not to the temple to light candles before the altar of God
first remove the darkness of sin from your heart...

go not the the temple to bow down your head in prayer
first learn to bow in humility before your fellowmen...

go not to the temple to play on bended knees
first bend own to lift someone who is down-trodden...

go not to the temple to ask for forgiveness for your sins
first forgive from your heart, those who have sinned against you...

Obsession Part Three

here's something else i really really really love doing.

its.......

...........................

......................................

............................

.................

........................................................

..................................

............

hee...............

go cut hair, but look like tak cut at all. lol.

my fav!

no difference rite?

Obsession Part Two

I fell in L♥VE with an emo songgg... it's not a new song tho. i'm kinda outdated when it comes to this. I'm not even close to emo. but just soooo in love with this.





I'm repeating it on my playlist (well... it's the only song there), humming the song in my head practically all the time, but still couldn't quite grab the lyrics and sing it yet.

last friday while i was working, i got too bored and played it on my cell, taking pauses every now and then, wrote down the lyrics and tried to learn the song by ear. yaya, i mengaku i curi tulang. haha, but my boss will never read this. so she'll never know! that night, i compared my version of the lyrics with the lyrics i searched from the net, i laughed my ass off. my chinese is so freaking lapsap!!!!

here goes the lyrics of my current fav song (without any lapsap errors) :

下雨天
Xia Yu Tian

下雨天了 怎么办 我好想你
xia yu tian le zen me ban wo hao xiang ni
我不敢打给你 我找不到原因
wo bu gan da gei ni wo zhao bu dao yuan yin
为什么失眠的声音 变得好熟悉
wei shen me shi mian de sheng yin bian de hao shou xi
沉默的场景 做你的代替 陪我等雨停
chen mo de chang jing zuo ni de dai ti pei wo deng yu ting

期待让人越来越沉溺（疲惫）
qi dai rang ren yue lai yue chen ni (pi bei)
谁和我一样 等不到他的谁
shui he wo yi yang deng bu dao ta de shui
爱上你我总在学会 寂寞的滋味
ai shang ni wo zhong zai xue hui ji mo de zi wei
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪 一个人好累
yi ge ren cheng san yi ge ren cha lei yi ge ren hao lei

怎样的雨 怎样的夜 怎样的我 能让你更想念
zen yang de yu zen yang de ye zen yang de wo neng rang ni geng xiang nian
雨要多大 天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴
yu yao duo da tian yao duo hei cai neng gou you ni de ti tie
其实没有我你分不出哪些差别
qi shi mei you wo ni fen bu chu na xie cha bie
结局那还能多明显
jie ju na hai neng duo ming xian
别说你会难过 别说你想改变
bie shui ni hui nan guo bie shuo ni xiang gai bian
被爱的人不用道歉
bei ai de ren bu yong dao qian

Obsession!

my cute lil panda T! jus got it few hours ago. hoho. too irresistible dy. it captured my attention instantly. it was sort of like screaming:"take me home! take me home! i wanna belong to you!" so in love! way, way, way, too much lately. panda this. panda that. lol. so obsessed with pandassssss... still not telling why! heee.

The One, Not?

ya. you know she's the one.
how sure are you that she's the one as in the one?
the one whose hand you'll take and walk down the aisle?
the one who'll be there still after you wrinkle and sag?
what's in front of you is bound to change.
nothing in life is permanent.
take things slow.
dont rush it.

In Between

it's always meant to be that way??

girl oR boy.
love oR hate.
good oR bad.
right oR wrong.
bitter oR sweet.
strong oR weak.

anything else in between is somehow screwed in a way. it dont often happen and it gains no popularity. ppl prefer going all out. so what happened to the middle path anyway?

when it comes to emotions... i'm either way happy or way sad. i realise this and my blog posts are either overly positive, overwhelmed with lots of love and happiness that i can barely believe or overly emo, with negative energy, hate and anger brimming out in every way there is.

no in between. very unstable i think.