giving in.

been doing it all my life.
somehow. it brings me nothing,
but empty promises and disappointments.

in my world, love encompasses nothing.

The feeling of disappointment.

i just wonder...

why is it that everything u don't want me to do, i avoid.

the only request from me - for you not to be emo over stupid things, you can't the least try.

and you're the one complaining, i don't care about your feelings?

.
.
.

what about mine?

.

you wound me each time you pull that face and shut yourself off in silence.

my heart cringes when i see the look of melancholy in your eyes.

the obsolete tone in your voice makes me feel like crying each time.

even your text messages slice right through me.

.

what have i done?

.
.
.

you don't know how you effect me.

you don't have the slightest idea.

and you just don't care.

Treats.

i just turned - oops, what's that number again? haha.
same wishes as always, be a good girl, grown up d, and bla bla bla ;)
appreciate all the wishes and gifts guys!
i know you love me!
i love all of you just the same :)


and recently.. my appetite has grown humongous!

i'm hungry at all times, eating way more than before. can tambah nasi each meal. scary weih. and of cos, size and weight also increase lohh. anddddd.... i've grown a double chin arrr... cute? lol. very pinchable d :P

getting a lot of treats from people who love me. plus all the good food i have here. confirm i'll grow rounder after sem break.


all my fav! ice creams, cakes, honestly, any dessert will make my day :)

all the 3 cups are mine!

birthday cake at 12 midnight.

dating with my dad at secret recipe :)

going for coconut shake soon and steamboat at night!

ps:// dont envy me raymond sim :P


♥

what's wrong with me?

• rashes last week.
• sharp pains in my back which never fails to ruin my sleep.
• on and off headaches.
  
• dizziness.
• nausea.
• vomiting out of the blue.

too challenging for me d... especially when my finals aren't over yet.

since when am i this unhealthy?

Ehem!

I'm not posing!

I have to say, I like this pic lah! it makes me look so hardworking. Ray must have sneaky-ly took it while i was studying. Was wondering how did this pic end up in my phone?

exams exams. let this be the end of you. i wanna go home!




.

It's coming...

and i'm having mixed emotions over this every year...

not the least excited.

not expecting anything.

and freaking exams are draining my everything away.

just looking forward to my sem break.

i'm tired.





.

I think...

feelings are overrated.

get a hold of your head.

don't let them mess with you.

don't go down so easily.


***


but on a flip side...



***


feelings are a great way to indulge.

they make u fantasize.

dream.

but also leaves you pondering.

feelings... feelings...
so diverse. so mixed. so varied. so distinct.



so what are u feeling right now?

Unexpectedly.

i am all smiles today :)

i may not get what i want all the time, (material wise - the cute hot pants and to die for heels! ) i may not get my way... (ppl have different opinions and disagree with each other. plus, my way might not be the best.)

but still, i'm one pampered and spoilt brat (affection wise) ♥ ♥ ♥



recovering from a bad attack of rashes, i don't even know what caused the allergic reaction! having red blotches and rash on my arms and legs. itchy and burning. luring me to scratch and scratch and scratch em.




what i thought it could be:

Bacon?


but i've already had him for 6 months. only now?



body lotion?


damn it if it really is it. i just bought it and only used it once.



dust?


sobsss... hopefully not! dust is always there, it's everywhere!



seafood?


i didn't consume any directly. but the doc said maybe it's in your fried kuey tiow or bee hoon. you'll never know.



cough syrup?


the first attempt to ease my cough ends up in disaster. (but the doc says it's highly unlikely)



the verdict???

doc said i could just sit there, scratch my head and think till the next morning and yet the mystery will still remain un-prevailed.

sigh... resulting in me having to pop these pills and apply this goey, yucky, foul-smelling poison on my bare skin. ergh.




went to the doctor's in the afternoon, and got an injection which is still stinging now *muka kesian*. stopped by mid valley, shopped, not for me! for shiemun!! she's starting college next week and wants a few new outfits. watched "How to Train your Dragon" and it definitely beats Alice.




hmm... do i seem like some one who has final exams tomorrow??? lol. wish me luck :)





.

seeing you s a d makes me s a d too. i'd do anything to cheer u up again.

today's playlist.

14.3

I remember you... not only on this day.

I miss you still... though I've adapted and grown.

I know that you're always there, always watching, always guiding.

You are, and always will be... part of me.




these are for you... and i love you so.

i realise...

... that this blog is kinda emo. even after i swore that i'd stop. my previous blog was way too freakin emo n i created this one to lead me in a different direction. lol. not working! ended up with enough and more emo posts.

... another thing is that i dont usually blog bout stuff that i've been doing. where i went. what i did. what happened. etc. like most people do. i rather simply just blurt out my feelings. my viewpoints. my likes. my dislikes. my hates and my loves.

***

am i weird for being this way? idk n idc actually. style baby, that's my style :P

compare to some copy cats i know. no identity, forever living in someone else's shadows. dam freaking imitator. even blog posts and blogging style also wanna copy. looking at that blog jus made me want to roflmao.

***

i'm damn glad that this sem is coming to and end. finals in less than a week's time. starting on the 19th, ending on the 26th.

finally!!! i'm done with all the loathsome and endless activities in uni! activities which other people are so excited and eager about, are just a pain in the ass for me.

hate being busy. hate activities. hate commitment. hate responsibility.


and this was why i was so fking busy for the past few weeks:

1. reader's theater
2. choral speaking
   
3. mentor-mentee 1 Malaysia program.
4. microteaching project at SMK Alam Megah 2

consecutively for 4 weekends. ergh.


btw, click on the links for photos.



.

Seasons.

not this seasons xD

Break-up Season

with plenty of lame reasons.
kesian u guys that kena dumped.
taking a break means it's over!
don't wait anymore! it's stupidity.
it means that she can flirt with other guys and do what ever she wants during that break and still have a bloody fool waiting for her after she's done.

problems.
problems.
and even more problems.
a break up might not be that bad.
cheer up!


Poker Season

gamble gamble.
throwing money away.
and i know some who are already addicted.


Conflict Season

friends.
my darling friends.
i miss those times.
it doesn't feel the same anymore.


Sweaty Season

Damn hot.
hotter than hot.
sticky.
feels like the end of days is coming.
2012. possible?




sorry for the short post pua!
did this during the last 15 mins of my multimedia class in comp lab.
chiao!



.

Annoyed.

people create problems. the worse thing is, that you'd have to face these people everyday.

I dont normally curse and swear, i might say that i have rather good control over my temper and have the ability to tolerate and swallow it down.

shitty stuffs happen anywhere and everywhere. I just let it go, laugh it off and hope for the better.

this time, it's too much. again and again. over and over. getting worse each time. and i feel so dumb. it's just plain dumb being nice to people.

it totally sucks having sucky housemates. honestly. brainless bitches and bastards. damned good at complaining about others, duh... but doing the exact same thing. just like licking their own spit. ludah, pastu jilat balik.

NAH!


this is for you.





don't forget to read between the lines.

Only I Know

I always thought that i was easy to understand, easily read, something like a "what u c is what u get" kind of person.

but... it seems like no one really knows how i feel inside.

are you just bad guessers or is it that i'm a good actress?

anyway i totally suck in acting, as proven in my individual impromptu acting for theater class.

so, i don't think it's me that is hard to figure out...

just think and try to relate before asking k?

i have my reasons for doing what i do.

please don't question or doubt me. you know me better than you think you do.