New Year's Eve

I want to share here some sentiments taken from the movie "New Year's Eve (2011)", the speech given by Claire to the reporters and the public when the ball got stuck midway due to a short circuit while everyone was anxiously awaiting the annual ball drop in Time Square, NY. This not only shows PR at its best, but also, her carefully chosen words, bears significance to each and everyone of us. I loved every word of it, and so here it goes.

As you all can see the ball has stopped half way to its porch. It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures or close ourself down for fear of getting hurt. Cause that's what New Year's is all about, getting another chance. The chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about what if and start embracing what will be. So when that ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight, but all year long. Thank you.

Some people swear there's no beauty left in the world, no magic. 

Then how do you explain the entire world coming together on one night to celebrate the hope of a new year?

Ultimately, that's what a new year brings right? Hope. Hope for a better year ahead.

It's just 3 days to a whole new year. I hope, I truly hope that it will be good one for everyone.

x

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Unexpectedly :D

What's so different between today and other days?

I really can't pinpoint it but somehow I'm in a super good mood today!

It's really weird considering I didn't manage to sleep well the night before. Couldn't sleep, ended up studying, thinking that my notes will help hypnotize me and put me to sleep.... Total reverse effect! I also didn't expect to finish reading everything and even managed to neatly pen down notes chapter by chapter.

Back to today, it was just like any normal day, me doing my thing and waiting for Zue to get off work so that we could go pick her up and go for dinner.

I was singing all the way in the car, moving along to the music, cracking lame jokes, annoying my 2 best friends, and laughing like nobody's business. Even when the fella in the car beside me at the traffic light was staring at me like I was crazy, I looked right back at him and sang my heart out with all my diva moves like I was performing on stage.

It suddenly hit me that I can truly be happy on my own, without depending on anyone else, without basing my happiness on the actions or moods of others, without having a reason to.

I can.

And I will.

I like the happy me.


x

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to what extent do you think people can change? 

and to what extent of change do you think that person deserves a second chance? 

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25.12.2013

First up, this is not your typical Christmas post with all the fun, happy, loving, celebrating kinda stuff. My sincere apologies if this is too far off and totally does not sync in with your Christmas mood.

This is just about some random thoughts that I really wanna spill, thus leading me here. It's a little like a rant, but still, I'll try my best not too rant too much. It's Christmas anyway. 

Well, so here goes...

A simple thanks might not be enough to convey how much I appreciate all that you've done for me. It speaks the same for all that you've given me, all that you've taught me, and at the same time, all that I've learnt from my time with you.

You, have shown me what I definitely, infinitely, most certainly, do NOT want in life.

I am much much much clear headed now, despite the heart still recovering from taking a few critical blows earlier. 

My deepest thanks goes out to you. It's times like this where words fail to depict how much I appreciate everything.

Another irony being that though this is the year in which I've received the most gifts, this is also the year where I feel the most empty inside. A deep uneasy, hollow, churning within, just like a void, where everything fails to exist. No joy, no fear, no worries, no sorrows, just that flat emptiness which fills me and drags me into my indifferent mode, leaving me with no emotions, leaving me with that I couldn't care less attitude.

This is so not how Christmas should be right?

The meaning in which this day carries is so significant, and yet no matter how hard I want to care, I just don't anymore. 

The time for healing and renewed strength, so it says. I need to, badly. Because I'm just not that kind of person. The one who doesn't care. But for now, I just can't. So Time, do your thing and heal everything. I'll wait patiently.

Last of all, thank you to my sayangs for all the lovely gifts. You guys mean the world to me. It's also times like this when I know that I will never be forsaken. Again, I'm a lucky girl and I won't ask for more.

My most humble wishes to you and your family.

May you have a blessed Christmas.

 x

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I don't like me right now...

when I lost you, I lost part of myself.

and because of that, I will never be the same again.

and that, is why, I have changed so significantly.

the old me.

calm, composed, diligent, focused, with everything sorted out and always with a sense of control.

not the messed up me, like how I am now.

I don't like me right now...


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Meroyan Sakan

Phian had just come out of a screaming match with his other half, Zue was trying to put aside her frustration, and I was lost in my own confusing thoughts. How much more depressing can it get? Well, I shouldn't have asked that question. Almost all the other drivers on the road were driving like real idiots, like their grandfather owned the road and pissed us all off. The jam worsen and we got stuck in traffic and it wasn't even peak hour yet. Even the weather thought to contribute to the gloominess and desolation we were all feeling. The skies were all grey and heavy and flashes of lighting closed in, adding to the already dramatic atmosphere.

In a situation like this, Phian popped a super random question:

What do you guys think about love?
What is love to you?

The first thing I said was: "Love sucks."

Honestly, at that time, it was what I felt.

Me being in the moment with so many other things already screwing with my head started blabbing like a crazy person. And guess what? My two besties, as crazy as I am, who totally get me, who were in the moment as well joined in and yeah, we just went on and on and on about what love is like we were experts.

Love is.... (according to AJ, Phian, and Zue)

Love is poison.
Love is complicated.
Love is pain.
Love is agony.
Love is fake.
Love is hell.
Love is hypocrisy.
Love is selfish.
Love is frail.
Love is fragile.
Love is tiring.
Love is sacrificing.
Love is depressing.
Love is enduring.
Love is disappointing.
Love is jumping off a cliff.
Love is getting lost in a dark tunnel.
Love is pretending that you care.
Love is giving up yourself.
Love is killing yourself with a knife.
Love is losing a part of your self that you are never going to get back.
Love is like being ambushed by hurricanes and tsunamis.
Love is doing what you are told.
Love is having to tolerate crap.
Love is fighting to stay sane.


And the list of negativity went on and on. You must be thinking what sick people we must be. Without the ability to see and feel the beauty and wonder of such a deep feeling. What more, this list has already been shortened and filtered, with all the cursing and swearing already censored and rephrased. Dramatic and meroyan to the max.

We have loved before. We know how good it can feel. Despite the "high" we get from this complicated feeling of love, it is undeniable that love also encompasses all the negative elements as mentioned above. Tell me you haven't felt it before.

So what do you think about love?
What does love mean to you?



x


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Then and Now

Whattttt?!

Only 3 posts throughout 2013?? And... it's already December. 

It's sort of like I don't even know how to express myself anymore. Perhaps the entire chain of events were too excruciating for me even to pen any of it down. Or maybe I just didn't want to.

Being secretive is good too I guess.

However, just for the record, it has been a whole two months. I don't feel much like myself. A whole lot got messed up real bad and I am still struggling to adapt to it, live with it, and get over it.

One thing I realise, I'm almost always never alone in facing all this. I'm so privileged and spoilt like that. 

Thank you loves. I'll get through this just fine. I'll wrap my head around this. I'll be alright. I promise.

x

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