First up, this is not your typical Christmas post with all the fun, happy, loving, celebrating kinda stuff. My sincere apologies if this is too far off and totally does not sync in with your Christmas mood.
This is just about some random thoughts that I really wanna spill, thus leading me here. It's a little like a rant, but still, I'll try my best not too rant too much. It's Christmas anyway.
Well, so here goes...
A simple thanks might not be enough to convey how much I appreciate all that you've done for me. It speaks the same for all that you've given me, all that you've taught me, and at the same time, all that I've learnt from my time with you.
You, have shown me what I definitely, infinitely, most certainly, do NOT want in life.
I am much much much clear headed now, despite the heart still recovering from taking a few critical blows earlier.
My deepest thanks goes out to you. It's times like this where words fail to depict how much I appreciate everything.
Another irony being that though this is the year in which I've received the most gifts, this is also the year where I feel the most empty inside. A deep uneasy, hollow, churning within, just like a void, where everything fails to exist. No joy, no fear, no worries, no sorrows, just that flat emptiness which fills me and drags me into my indifferent mode, leaving me with no emotions, leaving me with that I couldn't care less attitude.
This is so not how Christmas should be right?
The meaning in which this day carries is so significant, and yet no matter how hard I want to care, I just don't anymore.
The time for healing and renewed strength, so it says. I need to, badly. Because I'm just not that kind of person. The one who doesn't care. But for now, I just can't. So Time, do your thing and heal everything. I'll wait patiently.
Last of all, thank you to my sayangs for all the lovely gifts. You guys mean the world to me. It's also times like this when I know that I will never be forsaken. Again, I'm a lucky girl and I won't ask for more.
My most humble wishes to you and your family.
May you have a blessed Christmas.
x
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