Fli. Flo. Flu.

not swine flu! just normal flu. ray had it for almost a week, zue caught it from some girl in class. and now it's my turn. cant i just turn it off???

and darn! i hate it!
reason being:

1. it makes me look dirty (the mucus hanging from your nose)
2. it makes me look ugly (watery eyes and big red nose)
3. sneezing non stop
4. runny nose
5. waste of tissue (my new best friend)
6. feels yucky
7. flu med makes me drowsy
8. cant breath properly
9. blur
10. gross
11. irritating and disturbing
12. makes my voice sound all weird

i could go on and on and on. ergh!!

wan tan/ dumpling

Do you?

trouble follows me almost everywhere i go.
it's so hard to start anew.
so hard to stay happy.
so hard to stay out of stupid fights.

we argued so much until it almost tore us apart. i'm so glad you didnt give up. your text made me cry and miss you so much.

Do you still want this boyfriend that loves you?
the one who will care for you,
the one that kuat complain
the one you could easily read his thoughts,
the one who'll miss you,
the one who'll kiss you tell you everything is fine,
the one who'll hug you to sleep,
the one who'll share everything with you,
the one who will reply I LOVE YOU! when you say you love him?

and my reply is of course YES! yes i do.

baby, i'm sorry for all the arguments. let's wrap em up in old newspaper, fasten it with lots of cellotape, put it in a plastic bag, place it in an old biscuit tin and bury it where it'll never be found again.

i ♥ u.

Ugly Monster.

we all know that a person's personality can effect their outer beauty.

you may have skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony, or even be the fairest of them all, but if your heart's rotten and you have a shitty attitude, you'll never be labeled beautiful.

and if you're wondering, ahh... yess! i'm indeed refering to some girls that i know. they're simply all about bitching mouths, being delusional, and even thinking that they own the world. can't even shut up for once. disrupting classes and being insufferable, doing as they wish, having no respect for others and sibuk bercomplain all the time. self obsessed and desperate for attention. and oh so, so, so dramatic.

miss know-it-all, think twice yah. you're not as cool as u think you are. u think u're the only one who understood the joke? uh oh... the joke's on you actually.

fyi, i'm not the only one feeling that way about em. lol. it's obvious. we're just keeping quiet and not crazy about the exposure. prefer being backstage than on the frontlines.

ARrghHH

i have datelines to meet but it seems that i just don't care?

i'm simply not enthusiastic about this at all.

why do we have to do this subject? i honestly find it a waste of time and energy and i don't see how i'm going to benefit from it.

so sick of the script. others will do way better than i can. hearing you complain so much. all you do is pour out endless complaints brainlessly without being able to come up with something better.

want this responsibility so much? just take it. i'd be more than glad to get it off my hands.

reluctant to dedicate any of my time to this.

wishing that this was over with!

Losing.

i want no news of either of you, but somehow facebook has just got to go flash 'em right in my face.

i know i'm on the losing end right now. i missed my favorite yearly event for 2 years in a row for goddamn stupid reasons. seeing pictures posted by others only caused nostalgia and made me long to be there.

i can't go back. and i won't either.

always have seen u guys as friends so dear to me. i've always been soft. especially towards you guys that i love and trust so much. whatever quarrels, arguments, misunderstanding, or problems that we had with each other were always put behind. "kissing & making up" each and every time shit happened. forgiving and forgetting. putting you guys above anything else.

in just two months, i lost 3 of you. gave up and felt that it meant nothing anymore, nothing to you, you and you, as well as nothing to me. this is the first time in my life that i ever had to lose people i called friends in this particular manner, and let me tell you, it totally sucked.

my absence won't be noticed. and i'm sure none of you would regret what you did and could care less.

but on the bright side, i got over it. i got over you.

you guys despise each other so much, but in fact you're just exactly the same. committing to the same crime. i could tolerate the pushing, but this time, you guys pushed too far.

so long, farewell. this is officially goodbye.

letting it get to me

i failed so badly.
that wasn't supposed to happen at all.
i didn't do anything to stop it and let it happen anyway.

i often say i'm a bad person and i'm not jus saying that for fun. i am indeed. i do nothing but disappoint the people who love me.

similiarities in differences

yup. my closest friends in uni are from different race and religion.
so? it doesn't hold us back. not a single tiny bit.
well, i'm the one and only chinese girl in my class. the most minor of minorities.
despite that, i blend in and mix well all the same!
they make my uni life less terrible,
more endurable, and fill my live with lots of love!
i love you gurls!

ekzos-ted.

justbeensofreakingtiredrecently.insideandout.physicallyandemotionally.drainedanddriedout.
sleepingisntenoughtocompensateforthisfatigue.wonderingwhatcanbedonetohelpmegettruthis.
ineeduofallpeopletounderstandme.bethereformewhenineedu.justholdmetightanddontletgo.

Living in the Past

you are constantly being reminded of things u don't want to be reminded about.
you said you can let go, but actually you still feel its shadow overwhelming you.
you get carried away by memories and you cant differentiate reality from make-believe.

you let yourself be delusional.
you suffer when you let miserable thoughts take you over.
you could be happy, but instead you chose to be hung over on negativity.

you betray your self constantly.
you prefer deception over the inevitable truth.
you want to hold on, and you're the one not letting go.

you think about the present and the future.
but in fact, you're going no where.
still stuck. living forever. in the past.

S.I.L.E.N.C.E.

BOOM. a huge cloud of silence dawned over the both of us, each unable to smile, both tongue-tied, reserved and holding back to ourselves. the air was so dense, the situation was one never experienced before, everything felt so wrong.

as mad as i was, i looked at him with pleading eyes, squeezing out as much effort as i could to at least try to ease things up a little.

naught. zilch. goose egg. still no response.

i pulled back and sat there vulnerably staring off into space. staring at other happy couples cuddling and enjoying themselves. i immensely felt so empty. i knew what i wanted, but it just seemed so impossible. the coldness only grew.

who said silence was golden? it isn't to me. i hated the silence. i couldn't do anything about it. all i wanted was to make it go away, but instead it stretched longer and further. the entire night, and even the whole of the next day.

i wanted to show that i couldn't care less about it. i wanted to act as though it didn't mean a thing to me. i wanted him to be the one to give in and thrown his arms around me, pulling me close and whispering sorry in my ear.

gazing at his forlorn face, my heart quivered and i softened up. it instantly become apparent to me that i loved him beyond any ego of mine. i walked over to where he was and kissed him on the forehead gently. that tiny little gesture magically broke the dreaded silence. we held each other tightly, both glad that it was finally over.

by Ravindranath Tagore

go not to the temple to put flowers upon the feet of God
first fill your own house with the fragrance of love...

go not to the temple to light candles before the altar of God
first remove the darkness of sin from your heart...

go not the the temple to bow down your head in prayer
first learn to bow in humility before your fellowmen...

go not to the temple to play on bended knees
first bend own to lift someone who is down-trodden...

go not to the temple to ask for forgiveness for your sins
first forgive from your heart, those who have sinned against you...

Obsession Part Three

here's something else i really really really love doing.

its.......

...........................

......................................

............................

.................

........................................................

..................................

............

hee...............

go cut hair, but look like tak cut at all. lol.

my fav!

no difference rite?

Obsession Part Two

I fell in L♥VE with an emo songgg... it's not a new song tho. i'm kinda outdated when it comes to this. I'm not even close to emo. but just soooo in love with this.





I'm repeating it on my playlist (well... it's the only song there), humming the song in my head practically all the time, but still couldn't quite grab the lyrics and sing it yet.

last friday while i was working, i got too bored and played it on my cell, taking pauses every now and then, wrote down the lyrics and tried to learn the song by ear. yaya, i mengaku i curi tulang. haha, but my boss will never read this. so she'll never know! that night, i compared my version of the lyrics with the lyrics i searched from the net, i laughed my ass off. my chinese is so freaking lapsap!!!!

here goes the lyrics of my current fav song (without any lapsap errors) :

下雨天
Xia Yu Tian

下雨天了 怎么办 我好想你
xia yu tian le zen me ban wo hao xiang ni
我不敢打给你 我找不到原因
wo bu gan da gei ni wo zhao bu dao yuan yin
为什么失眠的声音 变得好熟悉
wei shen me shi mian de sheng yin bian de hao shou xi
沉默的场景 做你的代替 陪我等雨停
chen mo de chang jing zuo ni de dai ti pei wo deng yu ting

期待让人越来越沉溺（疲惫）
qi dai rang ren yue lai yue chen ni (pi bei)
谁和我一样 等不到他的谁
shui he wo yi yang deng bu dao ta de shui
爱上你我总在学会 寂寞的滋味
ai shang ni wo zhong zai xue hui ji mo de zi wei
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪 一个人好累
yi ge ren cheng san yi ge ren cha lei yi ge ren hao lei

怎样的雨 怎样的夜 怎样的我 能让你更想念
zen yang de yu zen yang de ye zen yang de wo neng rang ni geng xiang nian
雨要多大 天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴
yu yao duo da tian yao duo hei cai neng gou you ni de ti tie
其实没有我你分不出哪些差别
qi shi mei you wo ni fen bu chu na xie cha bie
结局那还能多明显
jie ju na hai neng duo ming xian
别说你会难过 别说你想改变
bie shui ni hui nan guo bie shuo ni xiang gai bian
被爱的人不用道歉
bei ai de ren bu yong dao qian

Obsession!

my cute lil panda T! jus got it few hours ago. hoho. too irresistible dy. it captured my attention instantly. it was sort of like screaming:"take me home! take me home! i wanna belong to you!" so in love! way, way, way, too much lately. panda this. panda that. lol. so obsessed with pandassssss... still not telling why! heee.

The One, Not?

ya. you know she's the one.
how sure are you that she's the one as in the one?
the one whose hand you'll take and walk down the aisle?
the one who'll be there still after you wrinkle and sag?
what's in front of you is bound to change.
nothing in life is permanent.
take things slow.
dont rush it.

In Between

it's always meant to be that way??

girl oR boy.
love oR hate.
good oR bad.
right oR wrong.
bitter oR sweet.
strong oR weak.

anything else in between is somehow screwed in a way. it dont often happen and it gains no popularity. ppl prefer going all out. so what happened to the middle path anyway?

when it comes to emotions... i'm either way happy or way sad. i realise this and my blog posts are either overly positive, overwhelmed with lots of love and happiness that i can barely believe or overly emo, with negative energy, hate and anger brimming out in every way there is.

no in between. very unstable i think.

Fuck Arguements

hate it.
hate it so much.
especially when it's with you.

Too Positive

this is unexpected.
maybe i deserved it.
i'm just plain dumb to believe it.
a huge mistake on my part.
... ... ... ... ... ...

i'm sorry for being disappointing.
i'm sorry i'm not strong enough.
the people that love me get hurt each time.
... ... ... ... ... ...

i'm nothing but trouble.
pls stay away if u can.

Oops I Did it Again.

LOL.

I ditched my work again to blog.

This is not good.

while i'm at it. wanna wish my lil sis a veryy happy birthday! n ya. she's not that little anymore. a lot taller den me actually~ *shy* poor thing. birthday but got exams. all the best.

Dear Eunice:

sorry no pressie for u. will make it up. kai kai in kl after ur exams ^^ den we go shopping k. ♥ ♥ ♥

getting back to my work.
i'm sure i'm not going to be able to get it done =(

I Don't Know

u guys know who joey yap is?
the fella that can read people's "BaZi" and tell people bout their life and luck.

BaZi literally means "8 characters" in Chinese. a person's BaZi (八字) is basically their Four Pillars of Destiny which is derived from their year, month, date and time of birth.

my teacher - i call him sir, or more informally know as wan sim has a knack for reading it too. Bazi is a system of metaphysical knowledge for predicting the future of an individual. It is a very accurate and popular method used for fortune telling. it's practically telling you your element, your favorable and destroying elements as well as your luck pillars for every 10 years of your life; it is sort of like a route map to what your life is going on. people depend on it to make investments, earn, avoid misfortune and other stuff. in short, they are given tips to make full use of their lives.

he peeked at my BaZi last night and I listened attentively to what he had to say about my life.

1. i'm weak water
2. i need water in my chart
3. sad to say there's too much wood. it destroys me.
4. i'm constantly protected and watched over by the heavens
   
5. i got sixth sense powers
6. i'm an emotional person
7. i work well with words.

• i make a great sales person
• but i cant focus too much on it, if not i will suffer
• i can only use it for the the sake of using it
• not for the sake of helping others
• ?????
  

besides that, i'm not in the best years of my life right now. the older i get, the better my chart is. and oh ya, i'm not stable in relationships for now till the year 2016. according to him, that's why i broke up with daryl and eugene. LOL.

thank you sir for reading my BaZi for me. no charge there. if he wanted to charge, i'd be owing him at least RM480 right now.

Six Days Ago

I reached out
I touched you
You were so close

Time spent together was taken for granted
Getting what I wanted effortlessly

Not appreciating it previously
I can only long for those days

Being apart made me realize
No space sets us apart

You know that I know you wont leave me

You Just Can't Keep it to Yourselves

underlying meaning
brushed off your lips
sent with intentions
hurled without ceasing

searching for targets
to pierce and penetrate
mercilessly, full of hate
stabbing then leaving it worn

failure to withstand
wandering and wondering
devouring needless spit, not
taking abuses to heart, not

be proud not of thy actions
sufferers remain in silence
twas not a battle lost
just one not chose to be fought

Mixed Emotions.

Things have been going so well for me for the past few weeks. I’m always happy. Smiling almost all the time, cheerful and bugging others, being hyper n all. No worries. No tears. No frustrations.

Despite that, I can’t help feeling bad when the people around me are down. They are great people and they deserve to be happy too. Why is it that I’m the only one who’s overwhelmed in all this goodness while they’re out there suffering? I know I’m no one to be deciding who should be and shouldn’t be suffering. They say that it is all already written out somewhere, pre-destined. But I still wish and hope that everything will be ok for everyone else. Yea, I know. It won’t make any difference. It’s just a silly wish from me.

I cry when I see my girl friends cry. I can relate to the pain my friends feel when they get hurt. I feel sorry for those who are in really crappy situations when it’s not their fault at all. I feel touched when I see others trying so hard to get out of their struggle. I just can’t help feeling guilty because I’m happy while others are upset. No one chooses to be unhappy. No one chooses to be stuck in shit. No one wants a life full of downs downs and more downs.

Do all things come to an end eventually? Am I heading in that direction? I don’t know why. I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I hope I’m wrong though.

Hang in there people. Be strong. I heart all of u.

30 days in Mlk.

Sounds pretty much like 500 Days of Summer? The movie's kinda nice tho but this story of mine is a totally different one. i caught it while on a date with my baby. He also treated me to T.G.V. T.G.I. Fridays on the same night. I'm not sure why the special treatment that day. it could be that he wanted to cheer me up from all the exam stress i was facing. or perhaps he just wanted to make up for leaving me alone during moon-cake fest =.=”

And hey, i even got a gift! two to be exact. one of them being a softie panda which I'm hugging to sleep every night. I'm sure you’ll be asking : “why panda? why not teddy?” Well, that is another long story to tell. Hee. only i know and he knows =D

hugging my panda tightly

The main thing here is --- i finally made it to Mlk!!!

Set foot, i mean tyre in it about 11am yesterday and even made it to the HWC meeting on time =) crapped tonnes with the other committee members and realised that we had many datelines to meet! This only means that I'm gonna be as busy as ever...

Thanks to him for purposely fetching me back. he even LIED to me and practically forced me to accept him driving me back all the way. But I’m still very happy and grateful that he did. I hate long bus rides alone. we even got to hang out/date in Melaka which was kinda nice for a change since we usually hung out in subang n S.A.

Despite the happiness, i feel bad too cos he has to drive back alone. I’ll be worrying too much as usual. going to miss him so much. but no hal there. 30 days only. haha. we'll see each other soon enough~ absence make the heart grow fonder? we'll see =)

Holiday = No Holiday

after a long tiring semester, my long awaited holidays are finally here! but there won't be much difference though :'(

i was under alot of pressure during my final exam. been craving for the holidays each time i sat down and studied for a paper. i'd space out easily and picture how it would be like during my hols. BLISS!

in my imagination, it would be all lazing around, sleeping, waking up at what ever time i wanted, gaming, hanging, sleeping, oh yea, did i mention sleeping? sleeping, sleeping, and more sleeping. i had missed my darling melaka so much. my comfy queen sized bed, my pillow, my friends, my bro, sis n dad plus almost everything else there is to miss.

my holidays started last friday but my trip back to melaka was delayed as there were several plans to be executed. eg: birthdays, side trips, going here and there, boyfriend's request, friend's request, workcamp meetings with my partner and etc.

well there's this buddhist camp which is held annually for youth at the end of the year in mlk and i'm part of it. lots of effort has to be put into organizing this and i'm a lil worried that i might not be able to cope with it. there's only two of us in that department and i jus found out that my partner would not be around during the camp itself. solo-ing? it's almost crazy.

instead of lazing around as planned, i have to work my ass off and do as much preparation as i can before my coming semester starts again. the workload is humongous and it wont be as easy or simple as it looks. the camp will be held on the 13th - 19th Dec n i'd have to skip a whole week's worth of classes. hope my lecturers wont kill me!

shouting out to all u kind ppl out there. stop by and help me if u guys can xD i'm gonna nid all the help i can get~

Finally Found What I Was Misssing Out On

I was browsing in the bookstore for a book that would suit me best.

Catchy headlines, colourful front covers, tacky illustrations, teasers, cartoons, and several other features caught my eye slightly.

I hovered along, not stopping to get exposed to those as they seemed like nothing out of the usual. I continued walking through rows and rows of books and glanced at more.

All of a sudden, I stumbled and bumped into one of the racks.*who knows what made me stumble - there was nothing there!* A single, solidity book fell off the rack and lay at my feet. I bent over and picked it up, brushed the dust off it and adjusted the pages a little.

I looked at it with nonchalant eyes, eyeing it carefully, looking at the bland colour and texture of its cover. It never so much as struck me to open its cover and peer inside to see what it had to offer me. I placed it back on its shelf and walked away.

Leaving the bookstore, I couldn’t help but look back to the shelf where the book first fell. Something inside me pressed me to go back for it, and to my very own surprise, I actually did! I retraced my steps and wounded up in front of that rack. I found the book at once and gathered it in my arms. I touched the spine of the book gently and it tingled upon my fingertips. Somehow, it was nudging me to take it home with me.

I took my time and studied it carefully. Its content spilled out bit by bit and I soon got interested in it. I became more curious and inquisitive to unfold every single corner of the book. A sense of affection towards the book grew deep within me and I could no longer keep my hands off the book. It could keep me hooked for long hours and I started dedicating my time and life to it.

The more I read the chapters of that book, the more I loved it. The more I spent time with it, the more I understood it. It was then when I realised that this was what I was looking for.

I looked back upon the day in the bookstore and smiled to myself. Now, the book will never leave my side and will also continue to fill my life with genuine happiness.

-my new life begins with you-

What I Wrote in My Learning Portfolio

there was a subject that i had to take in the previous semester called English Language Teaching Materials, subject code DED 1024. and for the final project, we were required to come up with a learning portfolio for that particular semester. the portfolio should contain the evaluation for the subject, notes, quizzes, assignment questions and everything else that we did in the classes. the lecturer asked us to use our creativity and prepare it according to what we felt was best and so we did. we were also asked to insert along our bio-data in it and this was what i wrote~

Personal Details

Name : Teh Aun Joo
Course : Bachelor in Education – TESL (Hons)
Current Semester : Semester 4
ID Number : 01200705 0967
NRIC Number : 870324 – 30 – 5142
Date of Birth : 24th March 1987
Place of Birth : Melaka, Malaysia.
Mentor : Mdm Jasmina Anne George
Aspiration : To be someone others can depend on.
Motto in Life : To live up to my father’s expectations.
Favourite Quotations :

“Pay no attention to the faults of others,
things done or left undone by others.
Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone.”

I Love :

• My true friends
• My family
• My lecturers
• The simple things in life that make me happy
• Getting good grades
• Putting in effort to achieve what I want
• People who are true to their word
• The sense of satisfaction when a task is completed
• Working together to accomplish something


i got really high marks for it n the lecturer left a comment that made me fly xD

Excellent work!! Do keep it up. This innovation and creativeness is what I love in you!, doing the best you can. All the best dear!

-my portfolio's front cover-

-the inside of it along with the comment-

No More Emo Posts!!!

intro intro =D

well... here goes. i was never a fan of blogging. it kinda reminded me of doing English homework. you know, writing essays and stuff. the thought of it made me feel sleepy, lazy, drowsy etc... heee.

the irony was i loved, i mean I LOVED ♥ ♥ ♥ reading other ppl's blogs. reading was some sort of a passion i had since i was a kid, thanks to my dearest mom. she bought me lots n lots n lots n lots of great story books and encouraged me to read. i mean with a mom like that, how could anyone not love reading?? ever since the age of 4-5, i started reading everything i could get my hands on.

but as time passed, as i grew older i mean as i grew up, i started becoming lazier and lazier. i only read if boredom struck me. it was sort of like a last resort to pass time away. somehow, sitting in front of my beloved Dell was so much more intriguing. hence, reading blogs more than other kinds of reading materials. 

well though i wasn't exactly blogger material, i had a blog too. this is my second blog.

the thing is, the old one was full of nonsense and emo stuff. i only blogged whenever too much was pent up inside of me. it was a channel for me to divert the hurt and pain into something else. the good news is, i've moved on! 

signing off now. more posts to come!